Fly Paper and Packing Tape

I have been sitting on this blog for a few hours, trying to compose sentences that will make some form of sense to myself. So much is going on right now that I don't think I can pinpoint each and every thing. Busy busy busy.

As you know from a previous post to my blog, my older sister had been found. Well, since then I have learned a lot. I would love to share some of the information, but again because it isn't my story, I refuse to divulge. However, it seems that she has decided that it was too much, too fast and so she has stepped back from the reunion - so to speak.

Frankly, I don't blame her one bit! She went from having her normal life with her family, to all of a sudden finding that she has a birth mother, a birth father, 5 birth sisters (3 from mine, 2 from birth mother's side), 4 siblings husbands and an unbelievable number of nieces and nephews. Heck - if it were me, I would do more than step back! I would probably hightail it in the complete opposite direction! I can't imagine for one minute what it must be like for her. My heart truly goes out to her and if there was a way, I would honestly like to let her know that I am ok with her decisions.

Well, I know that sounds horrible. Saying I am ok with her decisions... what? Seriously, they are her decisions to make and it doesn't matter what any of us think! She has to do this in her way and in her time and there is nothing any of us can do to change that. She doesn't know any of us, we are virtually strangers to her. I know for certain that 'Lifetime' has gotten it wrong time and time again. Family reunions are NOT always hearts and tears and bubblegum. There are so many hurdles to get over or around, I will not be surprised if in a year from now I still haven't spoken or emailed with her.

Yep, I have had no contact with her whatsoever. At first I will admit I was jealous because Teresa and my dad were emailing with her, then dad talked to her on the phone. But I have started to look at it from a different perspective. See, when you come in to our family, you 'get' the family but you also 'get' the flaws. No one is perfect obviously, so that's just how it is. Me? I am a little bit OCD, I am a partial mysophobe, I thirst for knowledge and I am a geek to the core. Dad? He is at times impatient and wants the outcome of any situation immediately. Tara, she is just busy. You would be lucky to catch her on the phone without making an appointment with her first. Rhonda, she is the baby and as such, she is spoiled. Yes, I said it. So? lol

The one thing I am most certain of though is that once my sister entered our family, even the partial way that she has, whether there is any future contact or not, she is stuck with us. Let me clarify this though... I can only speak for myself, My heart is like Fly Paper and she is a fly. She came close and got stuck in my heart. She may not know me, and may never know me, but I will carry her with me from here on out.  <3

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The packers/movers will be here on the 23rd of this month to pack and load all of our belongings. I have been working over the past couple of months to get rid of unwanted things. Things we haven't used since we moved here, things we don't use now that we used to and things that are simply just taking up space. What a trial it has been. Going through everything with a fine tooth comb is tedious and a giant pain in the arse. I know it has to be done though, because when we moved up here we were overweight, and if we move overweight again, we have to pay the difference. That is definitely not an option.

So, I have had a lot of stuff for sale and free - using facebook as a tool to help get rid of stuff. I can honestly say that I have gotten more hits from it than craig's list or kijiji. And to be honest, I prefer somewhat knowing who is taking what or coming to my house to pick something up. Craig's list creeps me out that way - emails are one thing, but giving out your address to complete strangers - yeah, not up my alley.

Starting tomorrow, I will be putting aside that which I am keeping for our travel. Clothes, laptop, personal hygiene etc. Can't keep a whole lot though because this time we aren't renting a uhaul trailer. If we did, it would be well over a grand for the number of days we need it, and the Army is only going to pay us for 3 days travel. Yep - that's it. We get paid to go from here to Ft. Campbell and anywhere else we go in between is solely on us. Makes sense to me. 

But here is the kicker:

James and I in the truck with the dog, 2 cats, our luggage and the 32" flat screen. James is insistant on keeping the small flat screen so that when we stay at our friends place for the 20+ days before we leave, he still wants to be able to play his xbox and watch his netflix, blah blah blah. What a big baby! So yeah, all of us crammed into the Mountaineer! How are we going to do it? I have no idea, but I am sure it isn't anything a little packing tape can't fix. ;)

Head Lice... Eww!

Funny how events can spark memories of your childhood. Over the past couple of days, I have done nothing but relive old memories. From getting in trouble for swimming at the Pump House, to being run over by a 10 speed because I couldn't leave boys alone - I was quite a handful for my parents. But I am sure they loved every minute of it!

One memory that is simply crazy to me is the time I contracted Head Lice.

I was in 5th grade. I had to ride the bus to and from school. No biggie! The bus also had kids that went to another school further downtown. It seemed like I was the only one on my street that got off at the first school - I really didn't like it at all.

At any rate, one day the nurse's office called my mom at work to tell her I had head lice. Mom left work, picked me up and took me to the doctor's. Yep, I definitely had lice. Off we went to the pharmacy to get the nasty shampoo and then home where, for 2 days, Mom constantly washed my hair and sat there with the crazy fine comb, pulling the dead lice out of my head. She also used our Filter Queen vacuum on my head. Apparently it's suction was 'amazing'! lol

Finally, mom took me back to the doctor's and we got the "all clear" and I could go back to school. Off I went...

Less than 48 hours later, mom got another call that my head was packed right full of lice again! She was MAD! Good Lord she was mad. I thought she was mad at me, but that wasn't the case. She was yelling that she was going to clean me up again and I was switching schools and she didn't care what the boundaries were for which schools and what areas! I don't think I had ever seen my mom so angry!

We didn't stop at the pharmacy this time on the way home. Instead, mom went into a hardware store and came out with a brown paper bag. I thought she had to pick something up for my dad so I didn't ask any questions. We got home and mom told me to go down to the bathroom.

I was waiting patiently, when mom came in with a face cloth. She soaked it in cold water, rang it out and then handed it to me. She said: "Here. Put this over your face and no matter what do not pull it off". I did and next thing I knew, my was spraying my head with her hairspray! I didn't know what the heck she was doing, and every time I tried to ask her she told me to hold still and breath in the face cloth.

She was finally done and told me to go out in the living room and to not move from one seat. I did. I must have sat there for a good 3 hours. Mom brought out the vacuum cleaner again and had me sit on the floor in front of her. When she started vacuuming my hair, there was this crazy sound. I couldn't explain it at the time, but now I would say it sounded like she was vacuuming cake sprinkles out of my hair. We sat like this for probably a good half hour or more, then mom sent me in to shower with the nasty shampoo from the last time.

She checked my hair that night before I went to bed and then took me back to the doctor's the next day. The doctor was amazed at how quickly mom got rid of the lice. Said he never knew it could be done and asked what mom did. To my horror mom answered: "I bought a can of raid, sprayed her head then vacuumed them all out".

RAID!!!!!!!!!!!!! ON MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor about had a fit and told mom she was lucky that my hair didn't all fall out, to never grow back, or worse that I might have ingested it. She calmly explained to him what she had me do and it solved the problem, my hair is fine, so no worries. LOL

The doctor gave me the 'all clear' again but instead of going back to my school, mom took me to the school that all my neighborhood friends went to! From that day on, head lice has never bothered me. They must have heard their buddy lice screaming in pain from my head and have decided to never bother me again!

Haha!

The Fabric of Our Lives

Where to begin?

The past two days have been slightly insane for me. So much so, that I decided it was time to sit down and actually write in my blog. It seems like forever since my last post - and yet nothing much had changed... until yesterday.

I guess a little bit of the back-story is necessary in order for you to understand, so I will start with high school.

When I was in high school, circumstances brought me to the realization that I have an older sister. She is my dad's daughter, one he wanted but was unable to keep. (There is a lot of information concerning this - but it is not my story to tell.) As it turned out, my sister was born and put up for adoption. The words 'put up for adoption' seem so crass to me, however I can't seem to find words that are more fitting... At any rate, that is what happened and of course, I have never known her personally, I have only ever known her in spirit.

About 10 years ago I decided I was going to try and find her - to no avail. I did everything that I was capable of. Well, to be honest, I did everything I was able to on what information I had. I was going by what my father and mother had told me, which wasn't a whole lot when I look at the scope of it now. Even at the time, I knew if I really wanted to find out, I could try and contact my sister's birth mother for information. This is where I faltered. I didn't know who she was, I only had a name, and I wasn't sure what kind of reception I would receive. Would she want to know her daughter? Would she be willing to give me the information I needed? Would I be stepping on her families toes if I pursued it if they didn't want me to?

I got as far as birthing records and found nothing. I didn't know what hospital she was born in, the date of birth - I only had the year - and because my sister's birth mothers name never appeared, I figured I was way off track. I figured my sister was concealed with a different birth mother name. When my efforts proved fruitless to me, and after spending the money for the birthing records that amounted to nothing, I accepted defeat. Of course, I had other people telling me to "let sleeping dogs lie" and to "not stir the pot", that "she will find you if she really wants to". After hearing that as much as I did, I guess I felt I was doing  something wrong in trying to find her. What if she really didn't want to be found? Or further - what if she didn't even know?

So I failed myself. I gave up my search, but not for one day did I ever forget that I have an older sister.

A few weeks ago, I received a message on facebook from a lady I didn't know. She asked me a question about my dad, but she called him Joey - haha! I have never heard my dad called that! But seriously, I am a skeptic and I don't trust people easily - let alone someone who messages me on a social network asking questions. I didn't think about anything at all. In fact, I didn't even reply to her! How callus am I?

Yesterday, I woke to find a message from my dad. He said that he received a message from the same lady who messaged me, but asked him a different question. The question she asked him was the key indicator that my sister might have been found!!!!!

Of course, Dad and I were calling each other back and forth all day yesterday. We were speculating and investigating. It is actually quite funny now that I think about it. It's like we were two super sleuths trying to get to the bottom of a big case - but we were still way off track! Dad messaged the lady back and left it open so that questions could be asked - and we both waited for a response...

The response came. This lady isn't my 'blood' sister, but she is in fact the younger sister to my older sister. (Have I lost you yet?) lol

Teresa (I hope she doesn't mind that I have used her name) is the daughter of my older sister's birth mother. And Teresa has found my older sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My excitement could not be contained yesterday. I talked to my dad several times, called my sister Tara to fill her in, because how inappropriate would it be for her to read about it in my blog, called my closest friends to let them know and of course I said a few prayers of thankfulness for Teresa and my older sister.

I now know my older sister's name, I know her birthday and I know where she lives. I personally haven't had any contact with her. I am ok with this. Teresa is being the sole contact, and for that I can't thank her enough. Any information is better than what I had last week.

And I can completely understand my older sister guarding herself from us. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through or how she is feeling. For me, I have known for well over 20 years about her, but if she just found out about us - it can be nothing short of overwhelming. And she has a family she needs to protect as well. I get it. I have to remember that it isn't my life that has been turned upside down. I can't expect her to want me with open arms, unconditionally. I am a stranger to her and so I have to allow her to guard herself, to get used to the idea of me if she wants. I am a patient person and can wait forever if need be. That being said, if it turns out that my older sister is content with her station in life and she decides to not pursue me, I will be ok with that too. Just finally knowing of her is all I can really ask for - and I have already been granted that.

Finally, Teresa... I know I have said this many times, but I feel I have to say it again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to me and giving me this information. Even when I didn't respond, you didn't give up. You are irreplaceable, unforgettable and now forever a part of my family. Much love

TamTam

Military Ball

There is nothing quite like a Military Ball. Buying dresses, shoes and purses. Getting your hair done, make up and tanning if need be. Oh it is so much FUN! /end sarcasm!!!

This Friday evening I will venture out of my house looking more feminine then some will ever believe. I am going to be wearing a dress and heels, will have gotten my hair done and even gone so far as to get a spray tan. Yep! A spray tan! Ugh.

These Balls follow the Customs of Old World. They are Black Tie events and Formal. Soldiers come in their Dress Greens, or their Dress Blues, and their Dates come dressed to the Nines. The Chain of Command will give speeches, some Soldiers may be given a recognition, a Grog will certainly be held. A delicate meal will be served and then the Ball will proceed. Of course, by this point, most the men will surely be feeling their spirits. ;) Music will play, some will dance, some will leave, but for the most part, quite a few will enjoy themselves.

Ok, now for my point of view. I started this post out with sarcasm, but not because I do not enjoy the Ball... I just don't enjoy being so feminine! I am hoping though that I may have remedied this situation. I have found a dress that I am completely in love with, that I truly believe suits me to a tee!

I love almost everything 17th and 18th Century. I love the idea of Duke's and Lord's, of the Ton, of Etiquette and Propriety. I love the Empire waistlines and Victorian Class. I love the idea of Bowery Street Men, of hiring a Hackney and Petticoats and Pelisses... My dress is similar to this Era.

My dress is why I am very excited about this Ball.

Now look at the femininity coming out of me! Haha! Ridiculous really. However, when I first spied my dress, I was leery. It didn't have the sleeves I was looking for, nor did it have the bodice coverage I wanted. But the color was magnificent and it held every single thing else that I wanted it to have. I fought with myself about the dress, even left the store in search of something else, only to end up back at the store, trying the dress on again. In the end I bought the dress and have been in love with it ever since. I also bought a shrug to wear over top of it, because to me, the shrug completes the Victorian look I am striving to attain.

Alright, so dress complete. Well, almost. I am waiting to get it back from Alterations. Yep, I am a short little sucker! Now, on Wednesday I have an appointment to get a spray tan. Now before you think I am completely weird... I don't go to tanning beds and I don't worship the sun in the summer. I tan but it is mostly a farmer's tan, and would not look right at all in this dress. So I am spray tanning the farmer's tan away and hopefully giving myself a bit of a warm glow. Ugh. I better not come out looking like a carrot!!!

After that, all that is left is to get my hair done on Friday afternoon. I am going for a partial up-do, I think. I want the up-do with the thick spirals and baby's breath from the Victorian Era. Not too much to ask right? lol

So there you have it - I don't like being made up over feminine, but for once I think I am going to enjoy it... because I am actually wearing what I want, and not what current fashion dictates.



For those who want to know:
Grog http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grog

Emotional Storm

It appears that I am not a good blogger. If I were then this would not be posted four months after my last one. Ugh. One good thing though, no complaints from people about why I haven't kept up or what adventures they have missed out on hearing! lol

I did ride my bike for a while after my last post. Even rode it one night with the Hubby, half drunk that he was; with his seat raping him! (It had become loose and decided that it wanted to slant backwards the entire ride home!) I rode it a few more times as well, however it ended up in my friends garage for about a month because I rode it there but Hubby picked me up. Funny how fast the time went by before I realized it.

I did ride my bike the other day. I left the house fully intent on meeting a friend for lunch at the PX, however he had to work through his lunch with barely anytime afterwards for him to eat... He apparently hates Rear D!!

So here I now sit, contemplating what to write about. I have so much in my brain but like normal, the words are eluding me. That is not to say that I won't write at all... I just need to calm my thoughts before running off on a tangent.

I have some fat that I have been chewing on, yet I don't know if I can actually put the words to paper in order for everyone to read. Not that they can't or shouldn't know, I am not sure I can do myself justice with words. Most who know me, know that I am an emotional soul. I cry at movies, I cry at cartoons, I cry at commercials, heck I cry. I also make attachments that cannot be easily broken. If I have accepted someone as a friend, I tie myself to them and fight for the relationship. No amount of distance or separation deters me from keeping that friend in my heart. I am a sappy, devoted friend to the end. I am not adverse to showing this side of me.

But lately it feels like being the person to do all the work isn't working for me anymore. I can put out all of the offers and lifelines I want, but when they aren't being accepted or even recognized...

At what point do I give up and let go?

I realize that I am but one person, and that not everyone is the same as me. I understand that I sometimes come across as harsh and brash, but being forthright is how I have managed to survive as an Army wife, and so I will not apologize for that or change it. That being said, I am having the hardest time being frank with one friend in particular. It isn't as if my life depends on him or anything, but from initial contact he became an instant part of my family. (Now I do know that I can also be a bit overbearing, but a simple word can make me catch sight of what I am doing, and I alter my course.)  I don't know what happened, if I did something wrong, if I offended... I have no clue but I feel like I should be guilt ridden, because I don't know. And to be completely honest, I wish I didn't care so much, because then this wouldn't be eating away at my heart.

I haven't really talked about it with hubby, because knowing him the way I do, he would likely tell me to not worry about it and let it go. Easier for him. Me? Not so much.

Actually, I wish I could just walk away from it and not blink twice... but I don't know how to and don't know if I am strong enough to. I guess this is my current task - figuring out when to cut the ties that bind. Ugh! I sometimes wish I weren't as emotional as I am. It would make things much easier. But... I am my Mother's Daughter, and I am thankful to be a lot like her. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Day 13

It is May right?

I ask because it surely does not feel like May. It feels more like March or November! Rainy and cold. Now I am almost certain that I am not meant to ride my bike this weekend at all. It is a whopping 43°F but with the windchill it feels Like 35°F! And the rain just isn't normal rain, it is the kind that comes in sideways so umbrella's are basically useless. Fun stuff right? Ugh!

I was supposed to go help a friend out this morning, but at 7:30-ish she called to tell me she didn't require my services any longer. SWEET! I crawled back into bed, because I was actually up and getting ready if you can believe that, and slept for another hour. I got up, showered and got ready for the FRG Appreciation Brunch that we had today. I sent Michele a text so that I could hook up with her and all was good to go.

We got to the ACS building and I started setting up the food, while Michele and Stephanie did something else... well, to be honest I knew what they were doing and I was trying real hard not to go look. LOL Michele had brought gifts for people in the FRG who held important positions throughout the deployment, as a thank you. Everyone started showing up...

Now, I will admit that I am not a fan of change. I don't like my structure being messed with, there s a certain way to do things... my way (lol) and I just don't feel comfortable around a lot of new people. Today I was able to finally see how many new people have come back. I hold nothing against them, heck I barely know a lot of them, but to me it just felt weird having these new people around when they haven't been here all year. I get that people go home and they are technically not new when they come back, but from the way we have run things while they were away... they are new to me and they have messed with my structure! Haha! About a month ago, some people started coming back, but it was a slow trickle, so I was able to easily accept them... this is just going to take some getting used to is all. ;)

Michele and Stephanie gave out the gifts and everyone was eating. It was really nice. The Italian Bakery that catered for us is phenomenal! Now came the time for us to thank Michele...

Let me first start by saying that Michele is glue. That's the only way I can put it. She kept our FRG running and full of life throughout this deployment. Several times she has had to listen to some of us vent and complain, but she has always calmed us down and tried to lead us in the right direction. She kept us from killing each other, she had us in stitches laughing over other things, she mediated when needed. I don't think that I could ask for a better FRG Leader and friend. She isn't the type of person who does things, expecting something in return. Everything she does is from the goodness of her heart and so we thought we would show Michele how much we love and appreciate her for being our FRG Leader and friend.

Jodi, Kelly, Misti, Jenn, Casey and I all came together on the idea to get Michele an Edible Arrangement of Chocolate Covered Strawberries... her absolute favorite! I placed the order and collected the money from us all - (Casey... you owe me Girl!!! LMAO), Kelly picked it up this morning and added a balloon to the bouquet. I passed around a card, and then went to Kelly's car to get the bouquet! I brought it in and presented it to Michele. I felt like a goofball trying to come up with something to say, but I managed and of course told her she was the glue! She said later she had to look down or else she was going to cry. Shoot, I am sitting here writing this and almost in tears.

Michele - I love you Girl. No matter where the Army takes you or I, my heart will always be with you. I can't thank you enough for your friendship. xo

Enough mush - I am now home hanging with The Son. He is totally home and planning on spending tonight and all day tomorrow with me. We are going to order Chinese and watch Dr. Parnassius tomorrow, and of course I have to do the wii trade thingy! oOo and he also bought me a gift card for Amazon. I love him so much! He must totally love me or something!

Sunscreen only works when you use it!

Spouses you meet...

My girlfriend posted this on her blog, and so because I have encountered these same types of women, I thought I would share it as well. Thanks Jenn

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Yes it’s true. Sometimes, every so often, as you move around the military or associate with people in the military, you will meet her. She’s the one who is stirring up trouble in your neighborhood. She wears her husband’s rank. Her kids are more well-behaved than yours. Home-schooling makes them smarter. And when you meet her, you will know. She’s the one I’m warning you about.


"Oh no she didn't!" How to handle the dragon lady...


It is unfortunate in our wide and wonderful military, there are some spouses who don’t realize they did not enlist nor did they earn a commission to serve. Yes, our position as “Spouse” is one of great importance, but there’s no compensation for that, other than the hearty hand clap at the occasional military ceremony that honor us in conjunction with our service-member’s accomplishments. The “Spouse” position is certainly honorable, but it’s not one that merits discourteous behavior, rudeness, and down right snobbishness. And the longer you stick around, you WILL meet meet her…or them. So how do you deal with the spouses who act as if they know more, have been more places, who wear their husband’s rank and think they have it so…together? It’s simple if you’re prepared and not put off by the situation. I’ve put these offending spouses in some categories that you may find helpful. Here’s what I suggest when dealing with:

1. The Terminator. This one wants to save the world and eradicate all evil, and that would include you (in her eyes). She assumes that because you may be new to the military, that automatically means you were born yesterday and is on a quest to fix you up or kick you out. In her efforts to help you navigate the military system, she is also destroying personal relations and any future hope of building a friendship with you. If you find yourself in the path of The Terminator, you have to deal with her directly. Be kind, but firm. Let her know you appreciate her knowledge and store house of info, but you do have some things under control. Don’t be confrontational with a Terminator…it can only end ugly and unsavory. You don’t want to burn bridges, you want to build a relationship. I’m not suggesting you become anyone’s project, but know your boundaries, stick to them and make sure The Terminator knows where they are with you.

2. The Superwoman. She can be quite intimidating with her cleaned up kids, her spotless house, the schedule that is never comprised, and yes, that perfect figure. Don’t you be fooled! Even Superwoman has weaknesses and the grass is not always greener. The problem with Superwoman is not really with her. It is you. Be comfortable with YOU and where you are in your military journey. Stop the comparisons with her and her household. Do what you can do and do it with excellence (NOT perfection) and you will be a much happier woman.

3. Desperate Housewives. Now, these are the white picket fence ladies that you will probably need to be the most wary of. They’ve got the skinny on everything and everybody…promotions, demotions, assignments, reassignments, deployments, the war on terror, who is sleeping with whom…you get the idea. Don’t succumb to this group! If you’re in a circle of women who talk (and you know we can talk), you can be assured when you’re not around they’ll be talking about you too. Gossip is probably the lowest form of conversation and puts to poor use your time and energy. It is unnecessary and just bad behavior. Keep your distance from the group who tears down other people with words. Put simply, if you don’t suit up for the game, you can’t be expected to play.

Clearly, all military spouses do not fit in any of these three categories. Spouses are not all evil, vindictive, or manipulative. And as you transition through the military, you’ll learn how to deal with all sorts of people in many situations. The beauty of it all? If you do encounter women like these, one of you will be leaving next summer anyway.


Jenn - The Dysfunctional Military Wife